#AND THEN TAKE IT RIGHT BACK OUT AGAIN LIKE AN INSANE PERSON.
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how about the arcane characters seeing their crush fight someone for the first time (and winning)? and like, they just didn't know how strong reader truly is?
OH SNAP. YOU’RE OUT HERE THROWING HANDS AND TAKING NAMES?? The Arcane crew would LOSE IT seeing you handle business for the first time—especially since they had no idea you were this strong. They’d be standing there like, “Wait… when did you become a total badass??”
Jinx
Jinx would be cheering you on like a maniac.
• The moment she sees you throwing punches, she’s SCREAMING. “GET ‘EM! GET ‘EM! THAT’S MY CRUSH!”
• She’s doing the chaotic Jinx laugh the whole time, completely hyped up by your energy.
• When you win, she’s sprinting up to you, grabbing your face, and grinning like, “That was AMAZING! You’re, like, a total beast! Why didn’t you TELL me??”
• Lowkey? She wants to see it again. “We should start a fight club or something. You’d crush it!”
Vi
Vi is SHOOK but also a little turned on, let’s be real.
• She’s watching you handle the fight, and her jaw just DROPS. “Damn, I didn’t know you had it in you…”
• She’s impressed as hell, crossing her arms and nodding as you take down your opponent like a pro.
• When you win, she saunters up to you all casual but can’t hide the smirk. “Not bad. You’ve been holding out on me, huh?”
• You’d catch her sneaking little proud glances at you for the rest of the day. “That’s my kinda person.”
Sevika
Sevika’s eyebrows are practically in her HAIRLINE watching you fight.
• She didn’t think you had it in you, so she’s just standing there, arms crossed, staring like, “Well, damn. Look at you go.”
• When you win, she’s all smug, leaning back and grinning. “Didn’t know you were such a badass. Guess I’ll have to start watching my back, huh?”
• She wouldn’t admit it, but seeing you fight earns you a TON of respect in her book. She’s definitely bringing it up later. “You know, not many people can throw a punch like that. I’m impressed.”
Silco
Silco is stunned but trying to act like he’s not.
• He’s watching the fight with a raised eyebrow, sipping his drink like, “Interesting.” But internally? He’s like, “Where have they been hiding this?”
• When you win, he calmly walks up to you, gives you an approving nod, and says something cryptic like, “You’re full of surprises. I admire that.”
• He’s definitely making mental notes about how you might be a bigger asset than he realized. But also? He’s secretly impressed by how you can handle yourself.
Vander
Vander is proud AND worried all at once.
• He’s watching you fight, hands on his hips, muttering stuff like, “Didn’t think they had that in ‘em… but damn, they’re good.”
• When you win, he walks up to you with the classic dad voice: “You alright? Didn’t know you could handle yourself like that. You really showed ‘em, though.”
• He’s proud as hell but makes you promise not to take unnecessary risks. “I know you’re strong, but don’t go looking for trouble, yeah?”
Ekko
Ekko is blown away and immediately HYPED.
• He’s watching you fight like, “Ohhh snap! Look at them GO!” He’s bouncing on his heels, ready to jump in if you need backup, but realizing… you don’t.
• When you win, he’s practically tackling you in excitement. “That was AMAZING! Since when were you such a badass??”
• He’s 100% bragging about you to the Firelights later. “My crush? Absolute legend. You should’ve seen them.”
Jayce
Jayce is equal parts surprised and impressed.
• He’s standing there with wide eyes, muttering, “Wait, when did they learn how to do THAT?”
• When you win, he’s immediately running over, grinning like a golden retriever. “That was insane! You’re incredible—how come you never told me you could fight like that?”
• He’s hyping you up for DAYS afterward. “No, seriously, did you see how they took that guy down? Absolute powerhouse.”
Viktor
Viktor is completely blindsided.
• He’s watching the fight like, “Wait… what is happening right now?” He’s genuinely shocked because he didn’t think you were the type to throw hands.
• When you win, he’s just staring at you in awe. “You… you didn’t even break a sweat. That was incredible.”
• He’d definitely be curious about how you learned to fight and want to hear all the details. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”
Caitlyn
Caitlyn is lowkey AMAZED but trying to stay professional about it.
• She’s watching you fight, hands clasped behind her back, muttering under her breath like, “Impressive… very impressive.”
• When you win, she gives you a warm smile and says something like, “I always knew you were capable, but I didn’t realize you were THIS capable. Well done.”
• She’s super proud of you but probably a little worried you’ll get hurt next time. “Just… be careful, alright?”
Mel Medarda
Mel is intrigued and very, VERY impressed.
• She’s watching the fight with a small smile, sipping her wine like, “How fascinating.”
• When you win, she gracefully approaches you and says something smooth like, “You’ve been holding out on me. That was quite the performance.”
• She’s 100% filing this information away for later, already thinking about how your strength could come in handy.
Ambessa Medarda
Ambessa is IMPRESSED beyond belief.
• She’s watching you fight with a smirk, nodding to herself like, “They’ve got potential.”
• When you win, she strides up to you and claps a hand on your shoulder. “You fight with skill—and heart. I respect that.”
• She’d probably want to spar with you later just to test your limits. “Let’s see what else you’re capable of.”
Heimerdinger
Heimerdinger is both shocked and fascinated.
• He’s watching the fight with wide eyes, clutching his little staff like, “Oh dear, oh dear… they’re actually quite formidable!”
• When you win, he’s rushing over to check on you. “My word! That was… extraordinary. Are you alright?”
• He’d definitely want to know more about your skills. “Your technique is quite remarkable. Have you considered joining a combat academy?”
Salo
Salo is quietly impressed but not super showy about it.
• He’s watching you fight with a raised eyebrow, muttering under his breath like, “Huh. Didn’t see that coming.”
• When you win, he gives you a subtle nod and says something lowkey like, “Not bad. You’re tougher than you look.”
• He’s definitely rethinking everything he thought he knew about you.
Scar
Scar is losing his mind in the BEST way.
• He’s hyping you up the whole time, yelling stuff like, “GET ‘EM! That’s my crush right there!”
• When you win, he’s immediately running over, laughing and clapping you on the back. “That was EPIC! You’re my hero!”
• He’s bragging about you to literally everyone. “Yeah, my crush just took someone down like a pro. No big deal.”
Maddie Nolen
Maddie is floored but super proud.
• She’s watching you fight with wide eyes, quietly whispering, “Wow… they’re amazing.”
• When you win, she’s blushing and smiling as she walks over to you. “That was incredible. Are you always this strong?”
• She’d definitely admire you even more after seeing you hold your own like that.
Lest
Lest is completely captivated.
• She’s watching you fight with a mix of awe and concern, muttering to herself like, “They’re… really strong. I had no idea.”
• When you win, she’s rushing over to make sure you’re okay, brushing some imaginary dust off your shoulder. “That was amazing, but are you hurt? You’re incredible.”
• She’d probably be in awe of you for DAYS afterward. *“I can’t believe you did that. You’re amazing”
#arcane x reader#x reader#arcane imagine#arcane headcanon#jinx arcane#arcane vi#character x reader#jinx x reader#vi arcane#arcane#silco x reader#arcane silco#sevika imagine#sevika headcanon#sevika x reader#jayce x reader#victor arcane#arcane vander#viktor x reader#vi x reader#firelight ekko#arcane ekko#ekko arcane#arcane caitlyn#mel merdada#maddie x reader#maddie arcane#ambessa medarda#mel medarda#use me pls
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Yay I'm going to get all Political and angry again.
So pretty much every trans American is probably aware of the Sarah McBride situation at this point, but here's the bullet point summary if needed for anyone else:
Sarah McBride gets elected to the House as the first transgender member of Congress in US history.
Republicans predictably flip their shit. They pass internal rules of conduct that prohibit trans people from using bathrooms of their gender and stating that bathroom use is defined by AGAB. It obviously singles out McBride, but I believe there are trans staffers that are also affected.
McBride issues a statement that she will abide by these rules, and pretty much only use the bathroom directly associated with her physical office. She issues a statement saying she "wasn't elected for bathrooms" and will instead fight in issues that matter, with a milquetoast criticism of Republicans for wasting time on this.
Many trans Americans are predictably scared and disappointed by this, especially because this internal house rule is being used as a blueprint for more extensive laws, including a likely ban on trans people in gendered bathrooms in all federal land and buildings (including, notably for me, national parks. Which breaks my heart, but that's a different rant.)
There's been a lot of disappointment and criticism of McBride over this. The general leftist reaction has been criticism. There's lots of people that have expressed disappointment or rage, including Erin Reed, and also more "personality" type people like Vaush and Jessie Gender.
Now.
I'm disappointed too.
But. And please keep reading before chewing me out for being an apologist.
I think we can all understand that McBride is in an impossible situation. If she fights this too hard, then it vindicates the Republican rhetoric that Dems are crazy trans obsessed leftists. But there's a fear that this will only lead to more infringements of rights for trans people. McBride is completely stuck, and is a junior, freshly elected member of Congress who is trying to figure out how to make her voice the most effective.
I am so, so fucking tired of rights being ceded one by one. So I'm disappointed. But yeah, I understand McBride's statement.
But there's just one tiny. Eeny weeny. Minor. Itty Bitty question having over all of this. Just one little concern.
Where.
The fuck.
Are the rest of the Democrats?!?!?!?
There is a PAINFULLY fucking easy solution to all of this. McBride needs backing, solidarity, and other people to speak for her. If she's worried about her voice being effective, and being branded as the crazy trans representative, then step the fucking up, you spineless liberal slimebags.
AOC is the only one that I know of that has expressed any real opposition or anger. Her statements are getting aaallll the airtime.
But the real story is McBride's sentiment being echoed amongst the entire party. This is absolutely some kind of official platform. The fucking grumbling, milquetoast finger waving and "well I don't like this, but there's nothing to be done! Anyways"
Of fucking course minorites are abandoning the left. The message they're sending is "we'll abandon you with the most pathetic of excuses. We don't give a shit." Trimming groups out of their support one by one.
McBride is doing the impossible calculus of trying to be the most effective on the house floor. It's an insane task for a trans woman. And yeah, she got it wrong this time. But where the fuck is the anger for her cis colleagues? Why the fuck aren't people angry and terrified for everyone that let this shit happen?
As much as people love the narrative of the line wolf resistor, resistance takes coordination, effort, and solidarity. Without that, what would McBride raising opposition even be? One representative against the hundreds of others.
And yeah, of course I didn't expect any better from the Democratic party. But you should be disappointed and mad at your representative, not just McBride.
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My friend is urging me to resubmit this because they're sure it must have been askbox eaten, my deepest apologies if this is a repeat.
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Jazz breathed out. He’d been screened, and the chance of him collapsing into a complete, insane mess was very, very low. He kind of wished that they’d tell him exactly how low. That would be nice and reassuring, unless it wasn’t, at which point he would… go ahead with it anyway, because what else was there to do at this point?
One motion jacked in the last cable, and then there was… something. A sensation, like electricity and like opening. There was something outside of him, on the edge. The mech, probably. It wasn’t like there were testimonials about this. Yet. Maybe he should write one, when this was over, so that baby mech pilots would know what the hell to expect. So long as he was able to do that.
He was stalling.
Jazz breathed in, and pushed outwards.
Then began to run out of himself, spilling to fill the new space that he’d found. It was a strange sensation, like water and electricity flowing out of him. He blinked, and shook his head, filing the thought for a song or something. Always important to save lines when you thought of them.
Jazz blinked again. Oh. This wasn’t the inside of the cockpit. This was the inside of the hanger. That was… good. That was good. And now that he checked, he’d backed that line up to some kind of electronic memory. That was probably meant for recording encounters with the monsters, not for keeping up with the poetical ideas of the pilot. Ah well, his idle thoughts probably wouldn’t take up enough room for anyone to notice or care. He put a lock on it anyway. If they asked him to explain it, he’d just wink at them and say that they didn’t want to know everything that he thought.
Carefully, he flexed his hand. It was different, but not bad different. His connections and struts communicated feedback to him, telling him how much strain they could take, what materials they were made of, how far they could bend. It was kind of cool to have this level of detail about his body.
Checking the power levels, Jazz was made aware that his human body would shut down far before his mech one. There was enough auxiliary power in here for two weeks- oh, and there was a storage cache in here. What was that supposed to be for? It was airtight, he knew his own seals. Big enough for food, water, and medical supplies, as well as some mech repair tools and materials. Fuck whatever it was supposed to be for, it was gonna be his don’t die cabinet. Closet. Pantry. Whatever. Supply room. That was better. He added the new designation to his mental map. It slotted right in, nice.
There was actually a lot of empty space in here. He should get some tape and ties and bundle the cables in some of his limbs so that they didn’t rattle around and tangle. They could even get unplugged if they got tied up enough, which was a hazard. Who had built this thing? Having an actual person to make complaints to about how his body was built was going to be nice.
Wait.
Okay.
Jazz needed to get back to himself. This wasn’t his body. He had done the basic checks. He needed to unjack the cable and check that he was alright.
He reached up, and the mech hand moved.
Okay. Don’t panic. Panic is not useful. Panic is bad. He could feel his fans- the fans of the mech kicking up. It thought that he was in a fight, and was preparing. It wasn’t exactly helpful for what he was trying to do. It made him feel more present and alive in the body that wasn’t supposed to be his body.
Jazz offlined his optics that weren’t supposed to be his, and tried to retreat. Tucking himself back in, becoming small again. It hurt, and he cringed back outward. Why was he hurting himself? Because he needed to. He crunched down harder, forcing himself out of his own (NOT his own) systems. Pressing himself into that small organic core again.
Finally, he brought up a human arm and unplugged himself.
The face was damp. Why was it damp? His face was damp. He had been crying. Probably from pain.
Was being human supposed to hurt? Being a mech hadn’t hurt at all. Inhabiting. Using. Using a mech hadn’t hurt at all. Vocabulary. Word choice. Very important, he’s written enough songs to know that.
He’d thought of a good line during that, hadn’t he? But when he tried to access it- remember it- ah. It was in the mech. Which he wasn’t in right now. Well, he was in it, but he wasn’t it. Because he was a human and wasn’t a mech.
Jazz breathed in, staring at the cable in his hands. It would be so easy to plug it back in, just to get to the line.
It would hurt so much to be human again.
Jazz breathed out, put down the cable, and began the process of getting himself out of the mech.
OOHHHHHH WAIT I HAVENT SEEN THIS OH MY GOD OTROKRKGKEL
#mecha pilot jazz au#thank you for your writing AND for submitting ehehemhmhm#my inbox became an absolute mess since that au started haha
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Sherlock fandom.
Lacking Data
Collecting data and seeking insight in everything significant to his work, has always been Sherlock’s highest priority. And he’s been quite successful in his endeavours too. But when it came to personal matters regarding himself and romanticism, he declared defeat. Which he didn’t bother to linger on. Until one day, when he met a man, most people thought of as ordinary, even boring.
Sherlock encountered Mike Stamford one of the last days of January. When Mike asked how he’d been, Sherlock told him he was searching for someone.
“Dead or alive?” Mike asked with a grin.
Sherlock rolled his eyes exasperated.
“I could use a flatmate. Preferably a living one,” he retorted dryly. “But…”
He trailed off, and Mike prompted him to complete the sentence.
“As you know, I’m no easy man to be around. I can’t think of anyone wanting to share quarters with me.”
“Oh, don’t say that, Sherlock. I’m sure there’s someone out there that match your criteria,” the doctor assured him.
Sherlock just scoffed and turned back to the microscope.
***
The experiment proved to be fruitless, so he sent Molly to get him coffee. When the door opened, far too soon for it to be her, Sherlock startled. He was not prepared to see Mike again, but what made the detective almost lose it, was the man Mike brought with him.
Ex-military. Doctor. Psychosomatic limp. Deployed somewhere warm.
Slowly, Sherlock approached Mike’s old friend from medical school, John Watson.
His face was open, trusting. He didn’t hesitate when Sherlock said he needed a phone, which he really didn’t.
“Here. Take mine.”
“Afghanistan or Iraq?”
Sherlock didn’t need to seek insight. All of it was clear as day to him. Served on a silver plate. The phone told him the rest of the story.
Granted, he’d been wrong about Harry, which John told him about the day after.
“There’s always something,” Sherlock muttered under his breath.
John just looked puzzled, but mostly awestruck. Not one word of mockery, distaste, or anger. Just: Amazing. Extraordinary. Brilliant.
When Sherlock told him what people normally said when he deduced them to shreds, John frowned and clenched his fist, the one not holding his cane.
It seemed like he was ready to punch the people who told Sherlock to piss off.
“Where have you been all my life?” he wanted to ask the remarkable man, but Sherlock was too afraid, so he stayed aloof, playing the sociopath he claimed to be.
***
Despite Angelo’s rather boisterous appearance, Sherlock always felt a calmness fall over him when he was around the man. He wanted to show John off to his Italian friend, and simultaneously letting John see a different side of Sherlock. It was a risk to let his guard down, but if his calculations were correct, the outcome would be glorious.
So, instead of biting John’s head off when he subtlety asked about Sherlock’s romantic preferences, he answered truthfully.
“Yes, John. I am unattached. Just like you.”
Sherlock couldn’t take his eyes off John’s tongue. It wet his lips continuously during the meal, and Sherlock wanted to taste it. The lack of data of how it would feel to kiss John and to be invaded by that rosy piece of flesh, almost drove the great detective mad.
***
The chase through the city had never been so intoxicating and thrilling. John was right behind him, his cane safely taken care of by Angelo.
“Welcome to London.”
The American passenger in the taxi couldn’t believe the politeness of the British police, and Sherlock felt dizzy just listening to John’s incredulous laughter at the insane encounter.
They were breathless and giddy when they locked the black door of 221 Baker Street behind them.
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done!”
“And you invaded Afghanistan.”
A knock on the door. Sherlock gestured for John to open.
“It’s for you.”
John’s astounded look when he returned with his cane, brought by Angelo, made Sherlock’s stomach do a somersault.
“How?” John said and shook his head in disbelief.
He leant the cane on the wall and approached Sherlock carefully. When he stood toe-to-toe with him, John took a hold of Sherlock’s upper arms.
“You,” he said softly. “Do you even know what you’ve done to me, for me? How am I ever going to repay you, thanking you for letting the sun into my life again? For making me want to live.”
Sherlock just stared down at John, unable to grasp what he meant. He’d done nothing out of the ordinary. Well, to be fair, the idea of visiting Angelo’s had been a whim. Not at all planned beforehand. He was a bit perplexed that something impulsive could make such an impact.
When Sherlock asked about that, after their fifteenth kiss, John told him he was wrong.
“It wasn’t dinner, Sherlock. I’ve been in that situation lots of times. It was the chase that made me feel alive and useful. Not that dinner wasn’t lovely, because it absolutely was, but it seems that running after you is one of those things I’m suddenly addicted to. Just as that sinful mouth of yours.”
And with that, their sixteenth kiss was a fact.
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#flash fiction friday#sherlock fandom#bbc sherlock#sherlock#john watson#johnlock#sherlock fanfic#FFF280#seek for insight
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The photobooth- Park Sunghoon
Where two strangers, in their desperation and vulnerability, take a picture together. One to create a lasting memory, the other to remove the old one.
Genre: Strangers to lovers (kinda)
Pairing: Non-idol Park Sunghoon x gn!reader
Content warnings: Mentions of a breakup, mentions of enlistment, none imo
Word Count: 1.2k approximately
In his mind, what he would do next was stupid, extremely stupid. Park Sunghoon stood solemnly in front of this hole-in-the-wall photobooth he travelled past on the way to uni. He wasn't sure what exactly led him here- whether it was his desperate need to capture a memory, or whether he was driven by pure insanity. He knew a few things had changed since the last time he stopped by. His hair was shaved short, military style as was required of him. There was an increasing sense of foreboding of the future. His heart had never felt this heavy before. Not even when he almost didn't get into the university of his choice. He was about to enlist- only that it didn't help that he'd be leaving in a week. He felt short on time, as the announcement barely gave him enough to physically or mentally prepare himself. His friends had suggested taking a cool polaroid picture for the sake of memories. For a keepsake for the man he was to become, and as a memory of the boy he would leave behind. His heavy feet therefore brought him here,to a last-minute decision after hours of contemplation. He draws the curtains of the tiny photobooth and hesitantly sits on the bench. Unfortunately for him, and to add to his embarrassment, he fails to notice the other person seated right beside him.
"Excuse me?" you squeak, surprised by the appearance of the man next to you.
Sunghoon is pulled out of his thoughts, and he finally acknowledges your presence. "Oh-" he can barely apologise as the click of the automatic booth interrupts you. He notices that he is captured in the second of the four films. Before he is able to process what happened, another click prints the third film. He jumps out of the booth in a second as you're left bewildered there. The bewilderment enthusiastically captured by the last film. As you look at your ruined pictures, Sunghoon find the need to apologise desperately for interrupting you. He peaks his head back in to the booth, in an attempt at apologising. Instead what he sees are teardrops falling down your cheeks, the films balled up in your fists.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, i really didn't mean to interrupt you," he rambles, "I didn't reali-" before he could finish you push past him, exiting the booth. Before you're able to get up again, you're wrist is tugged on by him.
"Let me pay for you, please. It's my fault, please don't cry" he begs. You're too scared to say a word. It really wasn't that deep for you, or it shouldn't have been. it was just a set of photos that you could take again. Unfortunately for you, you'd put too much meaning into this set of pictures. It was after you saw your ex post a set of pictures with his new girlfriend, in the exact same poses he'd once taken with you did you feel the rage erupting from within. You'd come here to re-write or erase whatever that poor memory was. You'd just have to do it alone. It wasn't this stranger's fault for your outburst. In fact you were happy he disturbed your gloomy little photoshoot.
"I-," you look up to meet the stranger's eyes, his eyes ridden with concern. In that small moment of surprise, you didn't really realise how handsome he was. It led you to an idea, a pathetic and selfish idea, but one that'd make you feel better.
"In that case, can you take another set with me. I don't want to do this alone," you request, your voice small as you begin to fidget with your hands.
"W...Why?" Sunghoon asks taken aback. Were you also scared of taking a picture alone like him? Did you also find it pathetic to take pictures alone in a world where mainly couples come here? Why come here alone if you didn't want to do it alone?
"I want to make my ex jealous," you say bluntly. You don't look at him, afraid of judgement at your request. Instead, you hear a small chuckle.
"Sure, I don't mind," you hear the kind boy say. " I might need the company too right now."
You're curious by what his last statement means,but choose to follow him into the booth quietly. He drops some change into the booth, and then looks at you before he presses the button. You nod and move closer to him, knees grazing gently. The both of you seem awkward but try to smile nonetheless. A click disperses the silence briefly, before he puts his shaking hands on yours. "I'm actually enlisting next week," he announces randomly. You look at him in surprise. "I don't know what to say," you can barely reply, when he brings his arms around your shoulder, just in time before the next picture. "Yeah, this is probably my last picture before I leave," he turns to you, smiling at your surprised face. "Good luck," your eyes soften as you pose for the next one, putting out a "V" awkwardly. He follows you, a somewhat shy smile gracing his lips. "Let's do a silly one" he offers to which you nod enthusiastically. You stick out your tongue, a little shy as he winks at the camera, the set of pictures coming out after the last click. The two of you examine the set of pictures, the two of you looking somewhat confused
"I like it," he says. "You look cute in this one," he hands you the last two pictures. You smile, earnestly. Compared to what you expected, you looked happy. Happy enough for you to forget why you'd come here. You realised neither of you had budged an inch, and you didn't feel like leaving.
"I... thought I'd achieve some sort of petty revenge if I could look happier in these pictures than the ones my ex took with his girlfriend."
Sunghoon raises an eyebrow, partly curious, partly in pity. His fingers gently rub against your palm. "In the thirty minutes I know you, I can say with confidence that you're too beautiful for the guy you're worried about. Don't fret it."
His words paint your smile wider as they sink into your soul. "Well, in the thirty minutes that I know you, I think you're so brave and kind that I wish we'd met sooner," you confess.
His smile now mirrors yours as he finally holds out his hand for a handshake. "I'm Sunghoon, by the way," he introduces.
You shake his warm hand, your palms tingling as they meet. "I'm y/n." you reply. After what seemed like an eternity, the both of you finally get out of the cramped booth, the chilly evening wind caressing your face. Sunghoon graciously waits for you to leave first, his eyes following you until your back fades into the city. The encounter felt bittersweet, more sweet than bitter as part of his solemn heart dissipated with the wind. He examines the first polaroid set left with him, where your initials are scribbled hastily at the back. He places it in his pocket, with the realisation that he had a new person, a new memory to bury into his wallet.
#enhypen imagines#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen x reader#park sunghoon x reader#park sunghoon x you#sunghoon imagines#sunghoon x reader
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𝘽𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠 𝙄𝙩 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠
𝙋𝙍𝙀𝙑𝙄𝙀𝙒- For nearly eight months, Nicole and Paige had been secretly entangled in a relationship that felt equal parts thrilling and dangerous. They’d always known each other, but everything shifted during last year’s tournament. Paige, the star basketball player, and Nicole, the cheer captain—it was the kind of romance that belonged in a teen drama, full of stolen glances and whispered promises. Paige was known for being a player, but with Nicole, it was supposed to be different. Paige swore she loved her, that she’d do anything for her. And for a while, Nicole believed it. Even when she caught Paige in compromising situations more than once, she let it slide. Paige always promised it wouldn’t happen again. Nicole wanted to believe her. She needed to believe her.
𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙈𝙀𝙎- Angst, gaslighter!paige and gullible!oc
𝙒𝙊𝙍𝘿 𝘾𝙊𝙐𝙉𝙏- 1.8k+
𝘼/𝙉- this is NOT read over or anything and it’s so bad so i’m sorry i had to curse your tumblr with this☹️
It was a chilly evening in Storrs, the kind of night where the crisp air made everything feel sharper, more alive. Nicole had just gotten back from her late-night class, feeling the fatigue of the day settle in. Usually, evenings like this were reserved for hanging out with Paige, but tonight was different. Paige had canceled last minute for some team bonding activity that her Coach had insisted on. Nicole didn’t take it personally—she’d been through plenty of those herself and understood how it went.
Still, the change in routine left her at a loose end.
As she kicked off her shoes and considered an early night, her phone buzzed. It was her friends, Hailee, Angie, and Brooklyn.
“You have to come out with us tonight,” Angie insisted. “We haven’t seen you since school started! You’ve practically gone ghost!”
Nicole hesitated, guilt creeping in. They weren’t wrong. Ever since things with Paige had deepened, she’d pulled back from everyone else without really noticing. “Okay, fine. I’m in,” she finally agreed, knowing they wouldn’t take no for an answer.
The best part of going out, Nicole thought as she rummaged through her closet, was always the getting-ready phase. Her dorm buzzed with energy as Hailee, Angie, and Brooklyn arrived, makeup bags in hand.
Loud music blasted from the TV as they crowded around the small mirror, trading tips and compliments while brushes and eyeliner flew around. For the first time in what felt like forever, Nicole let herself relax, laughing at their inside jokes and soaking in the warmth of their company.
“Alright, Nikki,” Angie teased, narrowing her eyes as she applied her lipstick. “Who’s the lucky guy?”
Nicole froze mid-swipe of mascara. “What?” she asked, feigning innocence.
“Oh, come on,” Angie pressed, smirking. “We’re not dumb. You’ve been MIA, and don’t think we haven’t noticed that hickey on your neck.”
Nicole’s hand shot to her neck instinctively. She laughed awkwardly, her cheeks flushing. “It’s not like that. My classes have just been insane this semester.” She stood up quickly and made her way to the kitchen.
Angie raised a skeptical brow, following her. “Right, because classes leave perfectly placed hickeys on your neck. Sure, Nikki. Tell us another one.”
Nicole sighed, realizing she wouldn’t win this battle. “Fine! Yes, I’ve been seeing someone. But it’s really not a big deal.”
Angie’s eyes lit up. “Oh my God, spill! What’s his name?”
Nicole hesitated, thinking fast. “Um… Paul. His name’s Paul. He’s sweet. And hot.”
“Paul?” Angie repeated, tilting her head. “Alright, what’s his last name? Let me look him up on Instagram.”
“Oh, he’s not on Insta,” Nicole replied quickly, pouring herself two shots from the freezer. “He’s more of an off-the-grid kind of guy.”
Angie frowned but before she could press further, Nicole checked her phone. “Wow, would you look at that? It’s already 9:30. Time to go!”
The subject was dropped—for now—as they hurried to get their coats and head out.
The four of them piled into Hailee’s boyfriend’s car, who kindly dropped them off at the local bar. As they walked in, Nicole took in the lively atmosphere: the hum of conversation, the clinking of glasses, and the low beat of music in the background.
The girls claimed a corner table, but Nicole made a beeline for the bar. She ordered a Dirty Shirley—Paige’s favorite—and as the bartender handed her the drink, it hit her.
She hadn’t talked to Paige all night.
PB💕
3:36 pm
Coach said I can't be
on my phone during this
thing, I'll call you later if
I'm not exhausted
Love you💕
(nikki❤️this message)
hey p,
i haven’t heard from
you and wanted to make
sure everything was going
good, i love u❤️
Nicole set her phone down and glanced up, and there she was—Paige. In the middle of the crowded room. With another girl.
Nicole froze. The world around her seemed to blur, her focus locked on the scene unfolding before her. All she could do was sit there, paralyzed, as disbelief washed over her. Paige wasn’t just with someone else—she had lied. And to Nicole, that was the most jarring part. Paige never lied. At least, that’s what Nicole thought she knew.
Time dragged, stretching what was barely a minute into what felt like hours. Finally, Paige looked her way. Their eyes met. Nicole felt a tear slip down her cheek, unbidden and unwelcome. The moment Paige saw her, Nicole broke the connection, pushing herself up and weaving through the tightly packed bodies in the bar. She needed air.
Outside, the cool night air hit her face as she sank onto the steps, staring blankly ahead. Her tears threatened to fall, but she blinked them away, determined not to let them win.
The door burst open behind her.
“Nik! Nicole—thank God. Please, let me explain!” Paige’s voice was frantic as she scanned for her.
Nicole didn’t turn, didn’t flinch. She just stared ahead, her face expressionless.
Paige moved closer. “Ma, come on—” she reached out, her hand brushing Nicole’s arm.
“Don’t touch me.” Nicole’s voice was flat, cold, devoid of the warmth Paige once knew. She jerked her arm away.
Paige knelt in front of her, her voice softer now, pleading. “Let’s go home, Nik. We can talk about this. You’re the only one I care about, you know that. I don’t even know that girl’s name—she came up to me, I swear.”
Nicole hesitated. Her mind raced, torn between fleeing and confronting the betrayal. She exhaled sharply.
“Fine. But let me say goodbye to my friends first.”
Paige nodded, following closely as Nicole re-entered the bar. Nicole wiped her face quickly, masking her turmoil as she approached her friends.
“Guys, don’t kill me,” she said with a forced laugh. “I’ve got an important assignment due in an hour. I promise I’ll stay longer next time!”
They groaned but hugged her goodbye, none of them catching the storm beneath her calm exterior.
Outside again, the silence between them was heavy. Once in the car, Paige started the engine, glancing nervously at Nicole.
“Nicole, you know you’re the only one I want. I was trying to push her off me, I promise—”
“No.” Nicole’s voice cut her off, sharp and steady. “Stop that. You don’t get to promise or swear on anything anymore. You’re a liar, Paige. And I’m not stupid. This isn’t the first girl, and it won’t be the last.”
Her voice cracked, but she kept her eyes fixed ahead. Paige reached out, but Nicole flinched.
“Baby, come on. You know I’d never—”
“Stop calling me that,” Nicole snapped, her voice rising. “You’re a narcissistic piece of shit, and I never should’ve agreed to this. You can’t commit to anything but basketball.”
Paige’s jaw tightened, her frustration bubbling over. “Nik, what the fuck. You don’t even know what you’re saying.”
Nicole let out a bitter laugh. “Oh, I know exactly what I’m saying. How many, Paige? How many girls have you cheated on me with? Actually, forget it—I don’t want to know. Let me out.”
“What? Are you serious? The car’s moving, Nicole!” Paige veered onto the shoulder, her voice rising.
“Let me out!” Nicole fumbled with her seatbelt, finally yanking the door open.
“Nicole, stop! You’re drunk!” Paige shouted, pulling the car to a screeching halt as Nicole stumbled onto the pavement.
Ignoring her, Nicole began walking down the dark street.
“Nicole, get back in the car!” Paige called after her, panic lacing her voice. “I’m not leaving you out here in the cold!”
“Leave me alone, Paige. My dorm’s two blocks away.” Nicole’s voice was slurred but defiant as she staggered forward.
Paige caught up to her, grabbing her arm just as Nicole tripped. She steadied her, their eyes meeting. For a brief moment, Nicole saw a flicker of the Paige she had fallen for—the girl who had made the last eight months feel like a dream.
Without a word, Nicole turned and walked back to the car. Paige followed, a small, hopeful smile creeping onto her face.
“Just because i’m in the car doesn’t mean we are good paige” nicole states turning toward the door and leaning against it
The ride back was short, but the silence between them was deafening.
When they arrived at the apartment building, Paige helped Nicole out of the car, steadying her as they walked to her dorm. The night air was cold, but the silence between them was colder.
At the door, Paige hesitated, then pushed it open and followed Nicole inside.
“Out,” Nicole said, her voice low and sharp, pointing at the door.
Paige ignored her, forcing a soft smile. “Baby, you’re just drunk. I don’t wanna leave you alone like this.” She closed the door behind her and gently guided Nicole toward her bedroom.
Nicole didn’t argue, too drained to fight. She sat on the edge of her bed, watching Paige through tired, narrowed eyes. Paige set her phone down on the nightstand and knelt in front of her, slipping off Nicole’s shoes with care.
“I got you,” Paige murmured, her voice soft, almost tender. She helped Nicole out of her jacket, then started removing her makeup with a tissue from the bedside table.
Nicole didn’t say a word, just stared at Paige, trying to decide if this was love or manipulation.
“I’m gonna grab you some water,” Paige said, standing up. “Try to lie down.”
As Paige left the room, Nicole let out a shaky breath. Her eyes landed on the phone Paige had left on the nightstand. It lit up with a notification.
Snapchat: Nessa🤫🍑📞
Nicole’s stomach churned. She picked up the phone, her fingers trembling as she unlocked it—no password. The messages stared back at her:
Nessa🤫🍑📞: When are you gonna be here? I neeeed you, Paige.
Nessa🤫🍑📞: Bro, are you seriously ignoring me because of that girl you’re “with”? Like, come on, Paige. You know I’m the one—not her.🙄
Nicole’s blood ran cold. Every doubt, every suspicion she’d tried to push aside slammed into her like a freight train.
Paige walked back in, a glass of water in hand. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Nicole standing there, holding her phone.
Nicole handed it to her without a word. “Get out.”
Paige opened her mouth, but the look in Nicole’s eyes stopped her. It wasn’t anger; it was something colder, something final. Nicole stepped past her and opened the door, standing silently as she waited.
Paige hesitated, her fingers tightening around her phone. She wanted to fight, to explain, but she knew better. She could come back tomorrow. She always did. Say she was sorry, promise Nicole the world, and somehow, break it right back.
Without a word, Paige walked out.
Nicole closed the door, locking it behind her. She leaned against it, sliding down to the floor. The tears came then, silent but relentless, each one carving out a piece of the love she’d held for Paige.
For the first time, she let herself wonder if she could ever put the pieces back together.
Tag list-
@yassedblogs
#uconn wbb#paige bueckers#ncaa wbb#iowa wbb#wbb x reader#azzi fudd#paige bueckers fic#nika muhl#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#send anons#send asks#toxic paige#toxic#uconn#ayanna patterson#aubrey griffin#ted’s#fanfic#angst
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THOMAS CUT HIS EYES TO HER , his lids snapping open for only a brief second before they were narrowed back into iron-split slits ; " I'M the one who needs to get a fuckin' grip ?? " new york smeared his words like mud , made them grainy and harsh . hands flew to his forehead , temples fussing and wailing , beating their fists on his skull and making the excruciating head ache double down as her fit had inky black spots clouding his vision . eliza's finger , however , struck like a dagger ; her pointed nail seeming to pierce the hard bone of his puffed sternum as if it were made of warm butter ; like the manicured tip would go right through him and pierce his already frantic lungs.
" god , here we fuckin ' go again — are you even listening to yourself, right now ?? " thomas growled , frustration so heavy in his throat it had a taste ; acidic , like climbing bile . " it's like you don't even fuckin' understand the actual gravity of what we're doing . how many people are gonna get fuckin' HURT when they find out . you think it doesn't drive me crazy having to sneak you around ?? "
all of this time it had been what HE wanted , her desires often getting set on the backburner to spare him of facing consequence head on , , , but even thomas wasn't even sure what that was . eliza , the one in which he was so entangled with it felt like it was steering him towards insanity , was the ONE PERSON he should have steered clear from . should have ignored . lust burned , its flames all consuming , and left infatuation in its scorched wake . a one time thing bred into a need ; an addict with an unscratchable itch . a cardinal need that left his thirst for her unquenchable — MADDENING .
thomas's hand wrapped around her wrist , tugging the smaller woman to his chest , lowering his face so his forehead was only separated from hers by the thinnest veil of smoke-fogged mist . his voice lowered , exhaustion fueling speech ; " liza , you know this is more than just sex to me , , , " his tone was almost apologetic , though that scalding burn of fury still singed the ends of otherwise sentimental words . " — but this , , , whatever this is , , , THIS is how it has to be right now — you know that . you knew that the moment it started . "
tom wanted to wrap his arms around her , pull her to his chest , press his face into her hair and finally give in to every feeling he had suppressed in favor of honoring the fear that came with them . yet he didn't . taking a step back , thomas's gaze grew heavy ; weighted as it focused on the cherry-red flush on her cheeks , the hopeless devotion in her eyes , the both spoken and unspoken plea for him to simply acknowledge her outside of the shadows instead of retreating his gaze and recoiling his touch .
then he hardened again , turning cold like stone , any warmth in his gaze — any empathy for how hard this must be on her — fading out like a snuffed candle . " if loving me in private is so fuckin' awful , eliza , then go ahead and end it . " defenses were back up , an cocktail of fury and heartache so thick in his throat he felt like he was choking on it . " if being with me , like this , is so hard and you can't fuckin' stand to wait any longer for it to finally go your way — then end it . tell me you're done and it's over , but i can't fuckin' keep doing this . explaining myself . explaining to YOU why we need to wait . "
pressing his heel to his head , thomas sighed , almost dizzy from how nauseating the pulse of his skull was ; " — i promised that we'd talk about this when we got back . i told you we would . jesus , eliza , it's like you WANT to drive me fuckin' crazy . "
— THE TWINKLE WAS SAPPED from eliza's eyes , & any lightheartedness she had tried to muster drained from her face . his words hit like thrown stones , catching the woman off-guard with their sharp edges , weighted with accusation & enmity . she was dumbstruck , the fog in her mind making it hard to think . to navigate through what might have spurred such a reaction . thomas could tend to , at times , wear a short fuse . . . but when had she even lit the wick ?
" that's not what i -- " her crossed arms tightened around her frame , suddenly feeling small . something so very un-eliza . never , ever did she let anyone beat her beneath their boot . outmatch her in an argument . but , with everything that had occurred — the horrors they had all endured — the blame felt deserved . eliza had not just agreed to go along with reeve's ridiculous little passion-project , but encouraged it . turned it into a competition to feed her engorged ego . a game , that all of them were losing .
however , instead of apologizing , kneeling in the scorched earth & groveling at his feet , she doubled down . eliza HATED their fights , but she hated losing them more . " you're insufferable . i mean , s e r i o u s l y , get a grip , thomas , " she scoffed . one step , two step . the woman was a breath away from him , the sharpened point of her finger jammed into the center of his chest with the same threat of a dagger . the green in her eyes was buried beneath red , burning with a ferocity that mirrored the cabin's ruinous flames . " do you expect me to swoon !? you came for me , you'll stay for me . and do WHAT , exactly ? keep hiding in the shadows . avoiding my touch , my gaze . sulking like a spoiled brat when i don't give you enough attention , & then biting my head off if i do ! "
she didn't care if any of the others were watching , too empowered by a toxic brew of unspoken spite that had finally bubbled over . besides , with how high tensions were running , she doubted anyone would blink twice . " you make it so hard to love you , when it feels like the only way to even get your attention is with the threat of leaving you . or , maybe i’m the idiot for thinking that thiiis , US , is more than just sex . "
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dear god what have I done in the tags.
#99.txt#they cut me off i didnt even finish the story gwhdhhsnvj#yeah so basically :) i steamed milk without foam. because they didnt want foam. the no foam drink#and im so smart and sexy and good at an espresso machine#and shes like ''uu STILL have to foam it ven !!!!!!''#im like ''huh. they dont want foam tho.''#shes like ''you have to FOAM the milk its in the BOOK 🙂''#at this point she has already GRABBED THE CUP from my hand to put her shitty giant bubbles in.#so im like ''ok . then. how. do i make it with no foam :)''#shes like ''um ??? u pour it in and then take it off the top ?? thats why we have SPOONS ?''#AS IF THIS IS FUCKING OBVIOUS. AND NOT THE DUMBEST SHIT IVE EVER HEARD.#OUOIUOUHHHH SHES TALKIJG TO ME LIKE IM FUCKING STUPID. YEAH SILLY ME DUMMY ME I DIDNT KNOW THAT A SPOON IS JUST TO PUT FOAM INTO A DRINK#AND THEN TAKE IT RIGHT BACK OUT AGAIN LIKE AN INSANE PERSON.#AAAAAGHAHV SILLY ME OOPSIE#even if the book says that i dont even care. the book is dumb as hell#i know how to steam milk without foam like. i know how to do my job. im so damn cool and sexy and smart#and everyone wants to work a steamer like me FUCK YOU my manager#acting like im stupid all the time and then does the MOST BATSHIT THINGS EVER#i dont even know.#another manager made me talk to her cos i was complaining. and im like ''yeah i feel like u talk down to me''#and her response basically boiled down to ''no i dont :)'' like. ok. so what now#she was also like ''oh im just like this 😊'' and im like. huh. so you either never thought about how that makes ppl around u feel.#or u just dont care ? ? that sounds like a really cool and healthy way to live your life
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#sorry let me rant real quick in the tags#cw personal#once again hitting an insurance pothole bc the psych says she accepts my OHP plan HOWEVER the therapy group she is contacted with says#THEY don't#they only accept the insurance if it's through my employer but NOT through the government??????????????#so there's still some kind of payment???#anyway I want to scream why is this so complicated#like will she take my insurance or not who's right here#anyway called her back directly and went to voicemail so now I've done all I can for now#why the hell is this so hard man#the person on the phone didn't know really how to explain#once again no one knows what they're talking about#like can y'all not communicate and figure this out?#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#i need to get an ADHD eval before my next PCP appointment in june so that they will continue giving me my meds#and the psychiatry through the hospital has a limited number of visits that insurance will cover#*contracted#not retyping all of that#and once again the only reason this is so stressful is because the psychiatry group at the hospital fumbled the communication ball last tim#and the psychiatrist I was with never put the ADHD on the chart#and now somehow it's MY responsibility to fix that>#UGH#like I am grateful to have some kind of coverage but holy shit is the US healthcare system in shambles#the bureaucracy is INSANE#i had to just sit down and put my head in my hands for a second#and then go 'right okay nothing i can do about that rn moving on'#uGH#literally said 'what the FUCK' out loud a couple times#like not on the phone after I hung up obvs
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My brain is so full of Bees about Post-Shift 2.
It's a fan game that was delayed for 4 years -- by the time it released, fnaf fangames as a whole were not as popular as they had been, & most people in the scene had forgotten about Post-Shift 1, so not a lot of people heard about it/played it.
Worse still is the people who did talk about the game. Pretty unanimously, the consensus was this: this game is the craziest, most insane fnaf fangame. It's overly difficult with mechanics that have no rhyme or reason to them & tutorials that are wordy, unhelpful, & sometimes actively mislead the player, meaning you need to comb through a lot of text only to be misinformed. It's not as infamous as some other fangames, but it definitely was talked about very poorly.
In general, I think most of these criticisms were blown up out of proportion, but I can't really disagree with most people's problems -- it is difficult & wordy, & rather hard to understand. I think, however, that the game is still 1. Really fun, 2. Not a bad game at all, &, most importantly, 3. Is a free fucking game that was clearly a passion project. Most damn fangames never get off the fucking ground when made in groups because the creators will never make a red cent off the thing -- this game was made by one dude for 4 years & delivered to people for free. It didn't ask anything of you except to accept it as a difficult game & to not go in with wild expectations. The dev just wanted to make a game that was rough, but he also wanted to make a game that felt unique & was fun. & It is fun, too, is the damn thing.
#em.txt#ps2 post#post-shift 2#i obviously am biased#i also obviously have more to say#but for now i think this is a start. i think this is fine so far.#i got counter arguments i was gonna type about the problems#bc tbh i think the difficulty isn't as big a problem as the difficult curve -- it starts very high for a fangame#bc it assumed you know what they're like. you know how fangames work. but it over assumes that all the mechanics#work at the same frequency as other fangame#the difficulty curve of night 1 is pretty tough place to start which turned a lot of people off#especially with how long & unclear th tutorials are & of course night 1's tutorial starting with a character that is unused in that night#it's rough. night 2 is even tougher. but night 3 is a cakewalk once you beat 2 bc it only adds 2 threats#so you might expect the next night to be as easy or even easier & in my eyes yeah -- night 4 is easier than 1 even#except that it's completely different & is asking the player to learn a new game entirely which is its own difficulty#but i can crank out a night 4 easy peasy no prolem. so you might expect night 5 to be even easier right? WRONG#WRONG WRONG WRRRONNNGG even people who know what they are doing struggle#because a mechanic in the game actively increases the difficulty as the difficulty is increased which is EVIL#& night 6 is even harder i have seen 3 people beat night 6 it is absurd#i sat in a call with another PS2 fan who clearly played thr game s lot & loved it but they could not beat the night normally#& this night has fucking optional difficulty modifiers when you finish that make it harder it is hell on earth#there is no checkpoints it is bad it is so bad I haven't beaten it i talk abt this game every day i play all the nights#i do not fucking play this night bc the way the tutorial works is unreal & unhelpful it wants you to remember#all this shit but it removes the 'walk around & click things before the night starts to see how they work/where they are'#& then it changes every 2 hours to something new so you won 12-2 but you hit 2 & forgot this one person's mechanic#but the only way to read the tutorial again is to close the game bc it automatically puts you back into the night#& will not take you to the home screen to view the booklet for night 6 it's insane#so yeah. there is difficulty. but the difficulty curve being this inconsistent is worse tbh#i get night 6 is meant to be like a 'everyone is here!' bossfight but it's overwhelming & there is too damn much
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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OH MY GOD A YEAR AGO TODAY .
#thats literally insane what do you mean that crazy day was last year. oh boy ok hastily thought up recap thought time#what that day included:#stupidly going out into july in los angeles heat that morning in jeans and a long sleeve black shirt#in that state of extreme sweatiness: meeting john l of tmbg fame. who id be seeing in concert that exact night#an insane story i have told before but nonetheless incredibly bonkers#later that day when i went out again i (also stupidly) wore sandals that cut up the back of my heels#i toughed it out later and put socks on and the russell brand of cdg high tops on and danced at the concert anyway#wore a full gold glitter suit. was still worried about being unnoticeable#i was too scareddddddd to talk to christi who i saw hanging around before the show which i regret#the best part of the concert and that trip to california was seeing it with my best friend who i finally met in person for that trip#he was dressed as ron and i of course was russ in the glitter suit. my hair did not turn out as magically russ as desired#what else. i was too ough before the concert to eat my combination lunch dinner of panda express something#but i did get overpriced fancy crackers and rosé at the hbowl which was my sparks dinner#ok now let me get to the show itself. i did a review the night of but lets see if there are any details i forgot that i can remember now#like right at the beginning of so may we start there was the audible sound of a glass breaking so awesome. someone was ready to get down#russell getting choked up talking abt their mom taking them to the hollywood bowl as kids i haven't stopped crying#oh yeah all the stupid people in the pool circle (front seats) who didn't care about seeing sparks. youre all going to hell#especially the people that left before the show ended#russell achieved some maximum awooga levels but i may have been picking up on those especially because of the rosé#russell saying to the audience in between singing all that how beautiful it looked with everyone turning the light on their phones#another thing i havent stopped crying over#also got a fun bootleg shirt specific to that show when walking back to the hotel. thank you slightly sketchy guy#that whole night and everything was bonkers insane and wonderful can i Please relive it now. please#like literally this time last year adjusting for time zone i was uhhhhh. probably injuring myself in those stupid sandals#and id do it again! well maybe not but id relive that day again#ok anyway. one year huh
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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What a good episode. Maaaaaan
#I can't even start I'd be here forever#It did take me in fact like one hour total to watch it lmoa. It sooooo good!!! The animation is very good#(albeit it's awfully low on brightness at times. But such seems to be the sin of lot of recent media unfortunately)#but I'm not even going to dwell on that. The plot / storytelling is so good. Sooooo god. I adore this arc.#Love the symbolism. I've been saying this for almost two years now (is it really been that long ever since these episodes came out... ) but#I want to write an analysis on the op & ed so baddd. The emphasis on the twilight this episode!!#Like the sun was setting on the detective agency. I love love love the hd. They're so cool in this episode and they're so cool in general.#I ADORE Jouno. I don't feel particularly strongly for sue/giku yet their scenes are so cute and funny. I see why people ship them.#Even Tetchou I don't usually care much about is so !!!!! I love all the hd so much fr!!!!!!!!!!#I love love love Jouno. Like much like it is for Akutagawa I'm very weak for characters that aren't really good people.#But they're still trying to be a better person than they were. And oftentimes they end up doing a terrible job!!#But the fact alone that they're //trying// has me ougheueueueu. Here in this episode you can see Jouno–#sliping very easily in his cruel / sadistic habits. But he is trying to be a person that cares for others! He made good actions in the past#and he will again in the future even though right now he's acting like this! Because improvement isn't linear! I love him tonsss#And DON'T get me started on the ada. Yosano's “Welcome” scene. I love women. I love women. Yosano please one chance#KENJI'S SCENE God I needed this. How could I forget the way this literllyyyyy rewinded my brain when I read the manga for the first time.#That scene is so deep and poignant and so so meaningful I. Oughhh#I am going to run out of tags am I not#Kyouka saving Atsushi!!!!!!! That scene is one of my all time favourites. It makes me soft to remember when the s4 trailer dropped–#I was so overjoyed for that bit of them holding hands :') Rightfully so!!! It's so cute.#Her coming back to save Atsushi. The “don't worry– I didn't kill them” direct towards Atsushi–#that is so so Akutagawa and it sends me insane hhhhhhgggggggggg#Kunikida!!!!! His “I'm not leaving anyone behind”!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not precisely Kunikida's first fan but aaaaaahhh he makes me feel–#so much for him in this scene!!!!! Mmmhhh one last note would be. It bugs me a little how the ada is defined terrorist by the military–#forces starting this episode? I don't have space to elaborate properly but. An action to be considered terrorism must have clear political–#orientation and goal. Violence alone isn't enought to be defined terrorism. It's an incorrect use of the word#Up to the next episode!!! Can't wait to see more Atsushi 🥰🥰#random rambles#It's late now and probably most are asleep rn... Then I'll be queing my posts for tomorrow probably
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tired of being called inconsiderate and rude the second I say something thats not exactly in a nice tone when my brain is working 3× more to be considerate of everyone and everything else 99% of the time.
#i feel like im actually going insane#my own sister backs up her husband (who i now see in a different light ((negative)) over me#and I was understanding at first. fine. maybe I do need to pick up after myself more maybe i am messy#and my friends and family even told me that because theyve brought it up so many times now maybe i am the problem and thats okay#so i. like yeah. okay i take up too much space. i'll step back. i stay out more. i'll clean my dishes right after i use them#i already do all that#and then today she DOES IT AGAIN!! and i broke down cause she basically said this is the last warning#you need to start looking for a new place (ive been saving up PENNIES for years. it'll take 3 full months of salary to even rent a ROOM)#it took me even longer cause i was unemployed for 6 months and had to use EVERYTHING I HAD SAVED#and i gave up. im back at home and i gave in. i took a video of my room and the living room and asked my friend#is there really anything else i have to do because i am TIRED AND I CANT SEE WHATS WRONG AND WHATS MESSY PLEASE#because fuck i feel like im actually INSANE cause the way my sister has been wording it to me its like im so messy#and my friend just replies..... i am so sorry for ever being on your sisters side because you are not messy at all#and the RELIEF i felt. the weight off my shoulders LIFTED OFF INSTANTLY#IM NOT CRAZY!!! IM NOT MESSY!! IM HUMAN AND NORMAL#im just so upset right now cause it just dawned on me that.... not a single person in my famiy has my back the way i have theirs#not even my own sister.... and im tired.#personal
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As it turns out, there are still few things that make me as happy as posting a fic/chapter hour(s) past midnight, switching off my laptop and basking in the glow of my silly little creation the next morning at work. <3 I will not be depriving myself of it again.
#rant in the tags so probably ignore those#I spent so long thinking that if maybe I pushed myself just a little more I would finally find Peace#but I did push myself past any limits for other people - the majority of them not deserving it but denanding it of me - and all I got of it#was misery and lack of any joy in life#so going forward I will not be doing that#I will be doing things that bring me joy and that I'm looking forward to#it really takes being pushed to the absolute limits of what you can take to realise that people are right#and you can't hate yourself into being a person you love#and that led to the realisation that I don't need to hate myself at all#because now I have people in my life who want to hear what I have to say without treating it as a nuisance#or some sort of blabbered out insanity#it's a little bittersweet; realising it could have always been like this#but it is now#and that's opened for me the possibility to go back to doing things I was depriving myself from because I was wasting all my energy#on trying to please my way into the approval of people who will never give it to me#just like they haven't since I was a child#so essentially fuсkallthat#I'm enjoying myself again#personal shit#fanfic#rant#just in the tags but still
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